The CHADD Conference, a Lifeline!

The CHADD Conference, a Lifeline!

The CHADD Conference, a Lifeline!

The Annual International Conference on ADHD, sponsored by CHADD, takes place this month, from November 17th-19th in Dallas, Texas. If you or someone you know is affected by ADHD, this is the place to find resources, support, and community. In this month’s blog, I share how going to the conference was an invaluable help for my child with ADHD, changing our lives for the better.

It’s fitting that the annual CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) Conference takes place in November, a time of gratitude. I will always give thanks for the support, knowledge, and education I gained from attending throughout the years. 

I first heard about the conference just after my daughter, Lee, was diagnosed with ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, and anxiety. At the time, I needed help on how to raise a very hyperactive child who was struggling in school, unable to do her homework. Even though I could Google for advice, it didn’t come close to seeking it in person.

At that first conference, the keynote speaker welcomed us, and the man in front of me stretched out his legs on the empty chair to his right, lying back on the chair to his left. Wow, I mused, he must be tired. Two minutes later, he sat up again, and did the same thing on the other side. His body, like Lee’s, was in perpetual motion. I pulled out my notebook and scribbled, “Lee could use a few chairs in class to stretch for hyperactivity, a good way to cope with sitting through a lecture.”

That was just the beginning of a weekend crammed with researchers, educators, and leading doctors and psychologists. By the end of the morning, I’d found another mom who’d also adopted a child with ADHD. The two of us spent lunch getting to know each other and sharing notes from different lectures. She had the answer to the homework problem. “You’re lucky Lee has an IEP. You can hold an addendum meeting. You have every right to bring up why you think she’s falling behind. It sounds to me like she needs extra time to do homework in the resource room.”

Then our conversation moved from school to home. No matter how many times I asked Lee, my direction to “Clean your room,” was ignored, despite the consequences. My new friend offered a solution she’d just heard from an ADHD parent coach. She explained that Lee’s executive functions were affected by ADHD, making it hard to organize. Instead of saying, “Clean your room,” the workshop leader had given a tip to make it more manageable and fun. Have your child pick up all the red things, then the orange, and so on through the rainbow.

I came home from the conference loaded down with tips, strategies, and information for myself and Lee’s educators. It was knowledge that would turn me into my child’s advocate, or “warrior mom,” as Lee liked to call me. Best of all, I found community and a way to give back. In the exhibit hall, I ran into the representative for ADDitude magazine. It was not long after that I established a running blog for them, bringing together my love for writing with my passion to help my child.

Every November when the CHADD conference rolls around, I feel grateful for the wonderful ADHD community that changed my life. Now that the conference is both in-person and virtual, I hope many other struggling parents can take advantage of this lifeline!

 

Blogs

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The CHADD Conference, a Lifeline!

The CHADD Conference, a Lifeline!

The Annual International Conference on ADHD, sponsored by CHADD, takes place this month, from November 17th-19th in Dallas, Texas. If you or someone you know is affected by ADHD, this is the place to find resources, support, and community. In this month’s blog, I...

read more
Turning Judgement into Support

Turning Judgement into Support

Recently, ADDitude magazine posted on social media one of my blogs: https://www.additudemag.com/girls-with-adhd-anxiety-spd/. In the comments, there were angry responses from people saying they’d have walked out on the conversation I had with a friend regarding my daughter’s anxiety. Here’s my response in a blog as to why anger doesn’t work for me, including five steps on how to handle other people’s judgement:

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Turning Judgement into Support

Turning Judgement into Support

Turning Judgement into Support

Recently, ADDitude magazine posted on social media one of my blogs: https://www.additudemag.com/girls-with-adhd-anxiety-spd/.  In the comments, there were angry responses from people saying they’d have walked out on the conversation I had with a friend regarding my daughter’s anxiety. Here’s my response in a blog as to why anger doesn’t work for me, including five steps on how to handle other people’s judgement:

My teenager, Lee, was suffering from anxiety and having trouble making it to her high school classes. Reaching out for support, I met for coffee with a friend Lynn, a teacher whom I thought would understand. Much to my surprise, she told me parents should go tougher, even when their kids had anxiety, and make them go to school.

When ADDitude magazine published my blog about our encounter, several people said they’d have walked out on this conversation. Believe me, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to. But if there’s any lesson I’ve learned over the years after raising a child with ADHD, anxiety, sensory processing disorder, and other disabilities, it always worked out better for me to keep my butt in my seat and try to educate.

It’s hard to change people’s minds, especially when your child looks “normal.” But mental disabilities have a way of making themselves seen, and we parents can often get the worst of people’s judgment. I contacted a therapist and asked how to deal with uneducated comments, like my friend’s at the coffee shop, and she encouraged me to try these five steps:

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  1. Breathe. When you hear judgment barreling your way, take a moment before you respond. You might feel your heart racing, your palms sweating, your breathing coming fast. You want to give the person a piece of your mind and stalk away. Instead, make a conscious effort to take three deep breaths.
  2. &nbsp
  3. Respond. This is the moment when you are most reactive. Someone has criticized your parenting or your child. But reacting will only make you angrier and take you into a negative mindset. Once you get your breath under control, respond in as calm of a manner as you can muster.
  4. &nbsp
  5. Keep in Mind. In my experience, most people who make uneducated judgments parent typical kids and don’t have much knowledge of how to raise a child with special needs. There’s a much different skill set that goes with parenting both types of children. You have a chance here to educate and give that person a window into your world—fostering understanding and support—something our kids desperately need.
  6. &nbsp
  7. Educate. This is your goal. If you can enlighten the other person with information about your child’s struggles, you have a chance of changing a mind. When I gave my friend in the coffee shop a new perspective on parenting a child with anxiety, she agreed to use a more compassionate approach the next time she encountered this situation.
  8. &nbsp
  9. Don’t judge. After it’s over, especially if you can’t change someone else’s opinion, it’s so tempting to think of that person as ignorant, dumb, or a jerk. Instead, the only way we can come together as an inclusive society is to give people a chance to change. They might think over what you said, surprise you, and become your biggest support!
  10. &nbsp

    Your child needs you to be his advocate, rooting for him even when it feels like you’ve just been slapped down. If you leave the table, that’s one more uneducated person who will drink her coffee and never change her mind.

Blogs

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The CHADD Conference, a Lifeline!

The CHADD Conference, a Lifeline!

The Annual International Conference on ADHD, sponsored by CHADD, takes place this month, from November 17th-19th in Dallas, Texas. If you or someone you know is affected by ADHD, this is the place to find resources, support, and community. In this month’s blog, I...

read more
Turning Judgement into Support

Turning Judgement into Support

Recently, ADDitude magazine posted on social media one of my blogs: https://www.additudemag.com/girls-with-adhd-anxiety-spd/. In the comments, there were angry responses from people saying they’d have walked out on the conversation I had with a friend regarding my daughter’s anxiety. Here’s my response in a blog as to why anger doesn’t work for me, including five steps on how to handle other people’s judgement:

read more
My Blog Makes an Appearance on Trauma Informed Classroom

My Blog Makes an Appearance on Trauma Informed Classroom

My Blog Makes an Appearance on Trauma Informed Classroom

Thrilled to see one of my blogs posted on Roger Flowers’s website, Trauma Informed Classroom. His mission, that students deserve a flourishing, safe, and consistent classroom, free of triggers, is so important for students, especially the ones suffering from mental disabilities.

My blog, “When ADHD and Sports Don’t Mix,” takes place outside of the classroom where I try to find the right sport for my child, creating all kinds of trauma for both of us along the way. I finally give up, only to discover the perfect activity was there from the beginning.

Blogs

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The CHADD Conference, a Lifeline!

The CHADD Conference, a Lifeline!

The Annual International Conference on ADHD, sponsored by CHADD, takes place this month, from November 17th-19th in Dallas, Texas. If you or someone you know is affected by ADHD, this is the place to find resources, support, and community. In this month’s blog, I...

read more
Turning Judgement into Support

Turning Judgement into Support

Recently, ADDitude magazine posted on social media one of my blogs: https://www.additudemag.com/girls-with-adhd-anxiety-spd/. In the comments, there were angry responses from people saying they’d have walked out on the conversation I had with a friend regarding my daughter’s anxiety. Here’s my response in a blog as to why anger doesn’t work for me, including five steps on how to handle other people’s judgement:

read more
The Moment I Became my Child’s Advocate 

The Moment I Became my Child’s Advocate 

The Moment I Became my Child’s Advocate 

This month’s blog might sound familiar to parents of a child with ADHD. It was the moment in time I was spurred to advocacy, thanks to a teacher who didn’t believe ADHD was real. His disbelief was my wake-up call, a true gift for the years ahead.

For many parents raising a child with ADHD, I imagine there is a moment when they are spurred to advocacy. I can still remember mine. It came during an IEP meeting with Lee’s third grade teacher who didn’t believe ADHD was real. As I laid out the accommodations my child would need in the coming year, starting with more time on tests, the teacher shifted around in his chair before he spoke.

“Lee doesn’t need more time on tests, she could just use some more self-discipline.”

My cheeks grew hot as thoughts raced through my mind. How could a child who lacked impulse control magically pluck self-discipline out of the air to manage herself? Or soothe her hyperactive body into submission? Or change a deficit of attention to precise focus? Was he mad?

The accommodations I wanted for Lee included: more time on tests, study materials in advance, and dictating homework responses. When Lee took a test, she’d barely make it through a few problems before time was called, her mind wandering out the window to the clouds. Any distraction in the classroom took her attention away from her paper, as did that feeling of failure when she knew how far behind she’d lapsed.

Since ADHD affected Lee’s ability to process information in a timely way, study materials, like notes, outlines, or charts, would give her more understanding before a lesson was taught. Then, she would be better prepared for a quiz or test. And, dictating homework responses to me was a crucial way to survive dysgraphia, her writing disability which made her fingers cramp. Dictating would help ease the strain of gripping a pencil and bring hours of work down to a reasonable time.

This all seemed so logical to me, but I had been educated about ADHD, and given strategies and coping mechanisms to help my child. Her third grade teacher had none of these, just an old-fashioned belief that ADHD, somehow, didn’t exist. And, he seemed to think, if children who had problems keeping up with schoolwork were more self-disciplined, they could perform well on tests, study, and do homework with ease.

Fortunately for Lee, no one in the room that day was on this teacher’s side. His comment about self-discipline fell on deaf ears. But he did give me a gift. I knew in that moment, the fallacy of his thinking could have led to my child’s loss of precious accommodations. From now on, I would be my daughter’s advocate and stand up for her rights in school.

At the end of the IEP meeting, all of the accommodations I requested were granted. It was as if the words, “self-discipline” had disappeared with the teacher when he returned to his classroom. But I knew I would come across other people, in the years to come, who might have similar misguided beliefs. It was my role now to educate and give my child a chance to succeed.

Blogs

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The CHADD Conference, a Lifeline!

The CHADD Conference, a Lifeline!

The Annual International Conference on ADHD, sponsored by CHADD, takes place this month, from November 17th-19th in Dallas, Texas. If you or someone you know is affected by ADHD, this is the place to find resources, support, and community. In this month’s blog, I...

read more
Turning Judgement into Support

Turning Judgement into Support

Recently, ADDitude magazine posted on social media one of my blogs: https://www.additudemag.com/girls-with-adhd-anxiety-spd/. In the comments, there were angry responses from people saying they’d have walked out on the conversation I had with a friend regarding my daughter’s anxiety. Here’s my response in a blog as to why anger doesn’t work for me, including five steps on how to handle other people’s judgement:

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Routine for Success

Routine for Success

Routine for Success

As Father’s Day approaches, I think of my father and how much he inspired me. An artist captured this picture of him many years ago, living the Hollywood dream. What people didn’t know was his key to success wasn’t just talent or luck, it was adhering to a strict routine. Here’s a link to my blog this month if you feel like some motivation:

As long as I could remember, an old illustration of my father from the ‘70’s hung on his office wall. The artist depicted him with martini in hand, floating in a cloud over his desk chair, broad smile on his face, fingers typing with ease. The quintessential picture of the successful screenwriter “living the Hollywood dream.”

The irony was a martini was the last thing my father would ever use to write a script, and every time I poked my head into his office, fierce concentration, not a smile, lit his face. Success came, not from on high, but from sitting his butt in that solid black chair. Over the years, many people asked my father the key to his success.

“Luck,” was what he always said.

But I knew different, even when I was a child. Yes, luck played into his career, but it was also determination, perseverance, and a solid routine. In this excerpt from my upcoming memoir, I remember what it felt like watching him work when I was a child:

“I tiptoed barefoot down the hall to my father’s office and peeked through the door. I knew the rule: Don’t bother Dad when he’s working!  His fingers flew across the typewriter keys.  Then, he jumped up and began to pace back and forth, speaking each character’s lines out loud. I held my breath, unsure if he knew I was there, if he could see the edge of my pink flannel robe on the carpet.” 

During Dad’s workhours, I left him alone. Mom made it clear. Our livelihood depended on his routine. Every day, come rain or shine, he knocked out pages for anywhere from one to three scripts at a time. Over the course of his life, he would write an astounding 14 feature films, 39 films and mini-series for television, and three plays. He woke early, was at his computer by 9:00 a.m. At 11:30 a.m. sharp, he went on a jog. Lunch at 12:15 p.m., followed by a shower, then a nap. Back on the typewriter by 1:30 p.m., no exceptions, except a business or doctor’s appointment. At 5:00 p.m., he was done and, unless we caught him at lunch, that’s when he was available to us. Routine powered his fingers, sharpened his talent, and paved his way to the Hollywood dream.   

Many years later, I would move through his doorway, walk down the steps into his office and sit on his director’s black, leather chair, looking at the wall that showcased his framed TV Guide covers. Together, we would write his memoir, over the course of ten years. I never doubted we would finish. Even if all we had were Saturdays, we kept to his routine. He had taught me that our success as writers depended on showing up, again and again.

When Dad passed away, “living the Hollywood dream” found a place on my office wall. For the most part, I’m exactly like my father and stick to my writing routine. But on those days I need some inspiration, I look up at Dad’s picture. Yes, he was talented, had golden opportunities that would open some doors, but he knew the key to his fortune wasn’t floating in the clouds. For 50 years, it was keeping his feet on the ground.

Blogs

Related

The CHADD Conference, a Lifeline!

The CHADD Conference, a Lifeline!

The Annual International Conference on ADHD, sponsored by CHADD, takes place this month, from November 17th-19th in Dallas, Texas. If you or someone you know is affected by ADHD, this is the place to find resources, support, and community. In this month’s blog, I...

read more
Turning Judgement into Support

Turning Judgement into Support

Recently, ADDitude magazine posted on social media one of my blogs: https://www.additudemag.com/girls-with-adhd-anxiety-spd/. In the comments, there were angry responses from people saying they’d have walked out on the conversation I had with a friend regarding my daughter’s anxiety. Here’s my response in a blog as to why anger doesn’t work for me, including five steps on how to handle other people’s judgement:

read more